COMMUNICATION – IT’S NOT ABOUT TALKING

Conversations are going on around us all of the time. People love to talk!

Different topics, different accents and tones, but lots of talking! In fact, we use an average of 16,000 words per day! I myself am quite accomplished at talking, as those who know me, and ALL of my school teachers, would readily attest to.

We speak in different languages, dialects and jargon, but regardless of the format, sooner or later we find ourselves in the position of being misunderstood or misinterpreted. We might say something that is totally clear to us, but the person we are talking to takes offense or takes it out of context. Perhaps we make a harmless comment, and the next minute find ourselves in hot water up to our necks? We give an instruction that is so straight forward, but no one else seems to follow.

Communication is not about talking. It’s about being heard and understood.

The majority of arguments and disputes are actually caused by miscommunication, or lack of understanding. You can repeat yourself again and again but if no one is HEARING you, you are wasting your time. You can argue until you are blue in the face, but if the message isn’t clear to the receiver, it won’t get through.

The key is realising that you don’t think in the same way as everyone else!

Sure we have lots in common, but the way we think, feel and form belief systems, values and rules, exists inside our minds only. We create our own version of how the world is/should be. Other people can’t see inside our minds! They don’t know what we are thinking and more than likely it’s not the same as what they are thinking.

We expect them to speak the same language as we do…and often they don’t!

Just ask any married couple. How many times has she said “can you put out the garbage” and he’s heard “you are so lazy, get up and do something.” Or he says “I don’t really like this” at dinner time and she hears “you are a bad cook”. You get the idea!

How can we improve our communication skills and be better at getting our message across? Where do we start?

Be CLEAR, CONSIDERED and further CLARIFY.

The next time someone gets upset or angry at you, take a second to think about what you just said, and how else it could have been heard. Reframe it and clarify. Say it a different way and get more specific about your meaning or intention. Ask yourself how you might have been misinterpreted and correct it immediately. If in doubt, ask them to pause and tell you what they think you meant. This then gives you the opportunity to nip in the bud any miscommunication before it gets escalated into a confrontation or argument.

Shift your perception.

Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would have felt if someone had made that comment to you. It may sound quite different from their end. If you are speaking from a practical point of view you may not have even considered the emotional impact. Allow for the possibility that they may be thinking from an emotional perspective and aren’t hearing the practicalities, or vice versa. Adjust your statements accordingly and watch the conversation take a positive turn.

Be flexible in your listening too.

There are two sides to every coin, many views from the look out and thousands of variations of a single theme. Keep that thought in your head as you move into your next conversation. Notice how flexibility and awareness can instantly improve the way you connect and relate to others. Practice hearing what others are saying to you, instead of taking their comments at face value. Read between the lines, step into their world and evaluate what’s really being said.

Be HEARD and UNDERSTOOD and offer the same in return.

These simple steps can have a marked difference to how you connect and relate with others around you. They will impact how you listen and how they respond. You can dramatically improve your communication skills and begin to build better, stronger relationships with those around you.

Are you having communication issues and could use some help?

Contact us to find out more about our Coaching and Mentoring packages.

Email: info@beultimate.com.au Ph: 0418 490 422

Be Ultimate because Ordinary is Over-rated

What Our Clients Say

I have been with the same company for nearly 10 years. Although in a leadership role and successful, I felt burned out, stressed and unhappy at work. This was impacting my work /life balance as well as my interaction with others. I needed to re-evaluate my career priorities and level up my communication skills. Cheryl took the time to listen and understand my situation. We worked together to better understand my strengths and values and how important it is for them to be congruent with my career development. With Cheryl’s guidance I focused on the steps I needed to make to remain myself, whilst becoming a better leader at work. Cheryl’s style, attitude and easy to follow steps are pragmatic and realistic. She provided me with tools I could use every day to remain focused on changes I needed to make to achieve what I wanted.This is an ongoing journey but I am now more confident, have a deeper understanding of both myself and others, have the tools to perform better at work and am maintaining a more fulfilling work-life balance.

Catherine.R – National Manager

I met Cheryl as I started a personal journey in seeking greater clarity for my career. It has turned into much more and I am most grateful to her for helping me understand myself much better as well as how to interact with those around me. Both professional and private. Cheryl has been a source of strength and insight. Her warm and friendly nature makes it easy to relate to her. She challenges the status quo and help me improve many aspects of my life. A number of my colleagues have spent time with Cheryl and all feedback has been positive. I would highly recommend her.

Ross Cartwright, Managing Director – Head of Retail Aus/NZ, MFS INVESTMENTS

We were lucky enough to have Cheryl come to our Annual Team Conference where she presented a Creative Thinking Workshop for our Team. I would high recommend Cheryl and the workshop for anyone who is looking to open their minds and expand the vision of the business. The workshop was highly interactive with the concepts and ideas being able to be implemented relatively quickly and simply into our business.

Harry, Director of Projects, PLAN ASSIST PTY LTD

I have seen and worked with Cheryl on a number of events and projects she is a part of. So when it came to organising an EA/PA Networking event, I knew she was the right person to be our guest speaker. Cheryl is an engaging, humorous and energetic presenter, who can relate easily to a room of 10 to 100+ people. She brings a world of knowledge and experience to her presentations and her real-life business examples reinforce the messages she presents. Cheryl is definitely someone I would recommend to present at any corporate workshop.

A Edmonds, Events Manager, LUNAR PARK SYDNEY

I attended Be Ultimate’s workshop on Stress Management. It was amazing! It was exactly what I needed to understand how to manage my busy days. Cheryl taught us practical, easy to implement strategies that worked for me from day 1 and I haven't looked back since. I highly recommend Cheryl as a coach, and recommend her 2 hour workshops for anyone.

C Walt, CEO, NSD DESIGN & PRINT

I have attended two LinkedIn workshops run by Be Ultimate and I have found them to be extremely informative, professional and succinct, whilst also being very personable and fun. I have already implemented new content and knowledge learned at the workshops ... starting at the actual workshops itself!

Thanks for your fun and informative workshop sessions.

David, Accountant, McSWEENEY CA CONSULTING ACCOUNTANTS

Cheryl provides an incredible bouncing board to lead you through your journey of reinvention or simply to gain reinforcement that the path you’re on is the right one. Cheryl is an awesome person who truly cares for other people, wants to see them achieve their goals, isn’t backward in coming forwards when you need the prod in the right direction and will encourage you to see the great results you are accomplishing when they may not be as obvious to you.

I highly recommend Cheryl to anyone who is looking for business advice, a change in career or simply wants to gain some solutions to taking a positive approach to life.

A.Wilson, Business Owner, CATEGORACLE

Cheryl has facilitated a number of conferences for Liquid Learning in both Australia and New Zealand and has always been a pleasure to work with! Cheryl is helpful, punctual, reliable and always professional. She is very skilled in keeping the conference running to time and lifting the energy of the room as she facilitates Q&A sessions. Cheryl also frequently runs workshops with us and does regular speaking spots which she always receives great feedback for.

Jean Young, Project Executive, LIQUID LEARNING

With the majority of delegates rating Cheryl’s keynote presentation at the IOPO Conference 5 out of 5, she exceeded our expectations! Cheryl is truly passionate about helping businesses to succeed and thrive.

Linda, IOPO Advisory Board Member, IOPO

Cheryl has been a delight to work with over the past 7 years. She has assisted our business, Independent Garden Centres, with professional development workshops, she has been of great support to me as a coach. Cheryl has emceed the last two annual IGC Retail Conferences with an engaging and fun style, and she has been one of our conference keynote speakers who held the undivided attention of the delegates with ease. I thoroughly recommend Cheryl Alderman in any of these capacities.  Cheryl is a consummate professional who quickly builds rapport, she clearly enjoys sharing her knowledge with others, and there is always an element of fun which oft missing in many professionals.

Evan Mueller, CEO, IGC

In this workshop we were introduced to a range of simple strategies that the group could adopt to manage the inevitable stress and tension experienced in corporate and every life. The cynical group loved the practical and interactive approach of this workshop and were highly engaged throughout the 2 hours. The presenters brought in lots of great exercises. I am happy to recommend this Managing Stress workshop and both presenters to other corporate groups.

L Jones, People & Culture Business Partner, FOXTEL

Working with Cheryl has had benefits that have reached far beyond me as an individual. She has helped me to become a better leader and elevate the effectiveness and potential of my entire team. Cheryl's coaching has raised my self awareness, shifted my focus to control what I can control, and given me tools to realise opportunities that I wouldn't have thought possible before our first session.

Michael, Manager of Digital Marketing, DIMENSIONAL