Do you fly off the handle at the slightest provocation?

Do you keep your anger in, so it builds up like a pressure cooker until one little thing pushes you over the edge and you blow your lid?

Do you explode at the nearest person and vent your rage and then realise later, after the damage is done, that you were totally out of line and said things you can’t take back?

Perhaps you contain your anger? Keeping it to yourself? Secretly seething on the inside, but not saying a word. Over time the resentment builds while you continue to wear that smile on your face.

Have you cracked it lately?

All of the above examples are un-resourceful , destructive versions of anger. They aren’t helping or serving anyone or anything. They are harmful to the people around you as well as to your own self esteem.

Anger is a necessary emotion. We need to be able to defend ourselves, be assertive and stick up for what’s right. We need to have a way to communicate our displeasure or lack of agreement in a conflict or confrontational situation. We need to be heard. If we don’t, we may feel dis-respected, under-valued and insignificant.

So how can we be assertive and forthright without being destructive?

Here are some tips to help manage your anger in a resourceful manner, constructively.


Often your instant reaction is exactly that, a knee jerk. Take a breath and give yourself a minute to think before you speak or act. A considered reaction can be quite different from your original explosive impulse.


Give yourself a time out. Go outside or away from the conflict for a few minutes. This gives you time to calm down and think more rationally. Emotions need time to settle so we can think clearly. Then you can return and say what you mean, instead of what comes out in the heat of the moment.


Often anger is directed at the perceived wrongdoer. “How dare they” or “that idiot”. Turning that conversation inwards, can deflate the negative emotion quite quickly.

Tell yourself “I can handle this” “I’m not going to lower myself to that level” or “I can think about this for a while and have a conversation later when I cool down”. Notice how deflecting the anger takes the heat out of the equation.


Sometimes when we jump the gun, we miss the true message along the way. Is it possible that you are misinterpreting the message or the intention of the other person? Ask for clarification to be sure you have the right end of the stick. Many conflicts are simply misunderstandings that can be avoided by re-examining or reframing with a follow up question.

It is important to say what you think and speak up for yourself. Being assertive means getting your message across but without emotional weaponry attached. Assertiveness does not require insults, raised voices or accusatory tone. Keep your voice calm and state your case clearly. You are much more likely to diffuse the situation quickly and reach a mutually beneficial outcome.


If you honestly feel you have lost control of your anger, or it is eating away at you from the inside, seek help. Don’t try and manage it alone.

Practice makes perfect…so instead of cracking it…

Give these methods a crack instead!

Be Ultimate can assist clients to let go of unhealthy anger and other negative emotions.

If you feel you need help, contact us today for more information. Phone Cheryl on 0418 490 422 or email info@beultimate.com.au.

Be Ultimate because Ordinary is Over-rated

What Our Clients Say

I have been with the same company for nearly 10 years. Although in a leadership role and successful, I felt burned out, stressed and unhappy at work. This was impacting my work /life balance as well as my interaction with others. I needed to re-evaluate my career priorities and level up my communication skills. Cheryl took the time to listen and understand my situation. We worked together to better understand my strengths and values and how important it is for them to be congruent with my career development. With Cheryl’s guidance I focused on the steps I needed to make to remain myself, whilst becoming a better leader at work. Cheryl’s style, attitude and easy to follow steps are pragmatic and realistic. She provided me with tools I could use every day to remain focused on changes I needed to make to achieve what I wanted.This is an ongoing journey but I am now more confident, have a deeper understanding of both myself and others, have the tools to perform better at work and am maintaining a more fulfilling work-life balance.

Catherine.R – National Manager

I met Cheryl as I started a personal journey in seeking greater clarity for my career. It has turned into much more and I am most grateful to her for helping me understand myself much better as well as how to interact with those around me. Both professional and private. Cheryl has been a source of strength and insight. Her warm and friendly nature makes it easy to relate to her. She challenges the status quo and help me improve many aspects of my life. A number of my colleagues have spent time with Cheryl and all feedback has been positive. I would highly recommend her.

Ross Cartwright, Managing Director – Head of Retail Aus/NZ, MFS INVESTMENTS

We were lucky enough to have Cheryl come to our Annual Team Conference where she presented a Creative Thinking Workshop for our Team. I would high recommend Cheryl and the workshop for anyone who is looking to open their minds and expand the vision of the business. The workshop was highly interactive with the concepts and ideas being able to be implemented relatively quickly and simply into our business.

Harry, Director of Projects, PLAN ASSIST PTY LTD

I have seen and worked with Cheryl on a number of events and projects she is a part of. So when it came to organising an EA/PA Networking event, I knew she was the right person to be our guest speaker. Cheryl is an engaging, humorous and energetic presenter, who can relate easily to a room of 10 to 100+ people. She brings a world of knowledge and experience to her presentations and her real-life business examples reinforce the messages she presents. Cheryl is definitely someone I would recommend to present at any corporate workshop.

A Edmonds, Events Manager, LUNAR PARK SYDNEY

I attended Be Ultimate’s workshop on Stress Management. It was amazing! It was exactly what I needed to understand how to manage my busy days. Cheryl taught us practical, easy to implement strategies that worked for me from day 1 and I haven't looked back since. I highly recommend Cheryl as a coach, and recommend her 2 hour workshops for anyone.


I have attended two LinkedIn workshops run by Be Ultimate and I have found them to be extremely informative, professional and succinct, whilst also being very personable and fun. I have already implemented new content and knowledge learned at the workshops ... starting at the actual workshops itself!

Thanks for your fun and informative workshop sessions.


Cheryl provides an incredible bouncing board to lead you through your journey of reinvention or simply to gain reinforcement that the path you’re on is the right one. Cheryl is an awesome person who truly cares for other people, wants to see them achieve their goals, isn’t backward in coming forwards when you need the prod in the right direction and will encourage you to see the great results you are accomplishing when they may not be as obvious to you.

I highly recommend Cheryl to anyone who is looking for business advice, a change in career or simply wants to gain some solutions to taking a positive approach to life.

A.Wilson, Business Owner, CATEGORACLE

Cheryl has facilitated a number of conferences for Liquid Learning in both Australia and New Zealand and has always been a pleasure to work with! Cheryl is helpful, punctual, reliable and always professional. She is very skilled in keeping the conference running to time and lifting the energy of the room as she facilitates Q&A sessions. Cheryl also frequently runs workshops with us and does regular speaking spots which she always receives great feedback for.

Jean Young, Project Executive, LIQUID LEARNING

With the majority of delegates rating Cheryl’s keynote presentation at the IOPO Conference 5 out of 5, she exceeded our expectations! Cheryl is truly passionate about helping businesses to succeed and thrive.

Linda, IOPO Advisory Board Member, IOPO

Cheryl has been a delight to work with over the past 7 years. She has assisted our business, Independent Garden Centres, with professional development workshops, she has been of great support to me as a coach. Cheryl has emceed the last two annual IGC Retail Conferences with an engaging and fun style, and she has been one of our conference keynote speakers who held the undivided attention of the delegates with ease. I thoroughly recommend Cheryl Alderman in any of these capacities.  Cheryl is a consummate professional who quickly builds rapport, she clearly enjoys sharing her knowledge with others, and there is always an element of fun which oft missing in many professionals.

Evan Mueller, CEO, IGC

In this workshop we were introduced to a range of simple strategies that the group could adopt to manage the inevitable stress and tension experienced in corporate and every life. The cynical group loved the practical and interactive approach of this workshop and were highly engaged throughout the 2 hours. The presenters brought in lots of great exercises. I am happy to recommend this Managing Stress workshop and both presenters to other corporate groups.

L Jones, People & Culture Business Partner, FOXTEL

Working with Cheryl has had benefits that have reached far beyond me as an individual. She has helped me to become a better leader and elevate the effectiveness and potential of my entire team. Cheryl's coaching has raised my self awareness, shifted my focus to control what I can control, and given me tools to realise opportunities that I wouldn't have thought possible before our first session.

Michael, Manager of Digital Marketing, DIMENSIONAL